Alternative Parenting ~ Looking Fine Naked.

Alternative Parenting or Looking fine Naked,  I was not sure which title I preferred so I thought I would leave the title up to you! Let me know on our Facebook Fanpage which you prefer!

Bryer has always been a joy and a pleasure. Like all children he hasn’t always been perfect but he is ours and so loved.

Alternative Parenting




The summer he was 14, he and I were working on remodeling our business when late one night I was painting and ran completely out of paint. Tired I told Bryer lets clean up for the night and we will stop on the way home and get more paint. That way we could sleep in a little longer before we came back and finished. Bryer agreed and we cleaned up and left.

Luckily we found the exact shade of White paint we were using available in 5 gallons at the first mart we came to on the way home. Bryer put the paint in the buggy and we headed to the check out. When it was our turn Bryer was standing if front of the credit card machine so I could not swipe my card and I told him to move over.

That’s When It Finally Happened.

Do you as an adult remember the day you decided that you did not necessarily have to listen to your parents anymore? The day that you thought what are they going to do if I don’t do what they say?

Bryer took a deep breath, Stretched himself out to his full height, looked down his nose at me and said “Make me.”

I could fill fire shoot through my veins. The curl began to leave my hair and I saw red. I felt like a bull with a flag being waved in my face. I didn’t just want to charge at him I wanted to turn him over and beat his backside. The voice of reason screamed STOP inside me head, I wanted to treat him like a young adult but obviously he had a point to prove.

The previous week we had an almost encounter in a gas station and I had gone nuts on him whipping off my shoe and smacking him on the rump with it several times. It ended with a Police Officer asking if we needed assistance and Bryer shaking his head and going to the car. We both had giggled at how silly we looked and the expression on the officers face. Do they shoot people in Georgia for beating your almost foot taller child’s rump in public? The moment had passed and we had not spoken of it again. Until now. What to do?

The Momma in me knew if I let this moment pass it would come again and again escalating each time. Ignoring his outburst would only make him as a child repeat it over and over a little louder each time until it came to a point where we would both be emotionally hurt and angry with each other. As an adult I knew it was almost a right of passage, I’m not sure if I remembered the exact moment with my own parents but I obviously survived it.

There were at that moment a million things running through my mind including the fact that as my child he had never been allowed to be dis respectful. Was he trying me because I was tired? Because he had suddenly come to the realization that he was bigger than me, stronger than me physically? Because he wanted to see the hair on my head stand straight up? I knew Mothers who cried over instances like this, I smiled. A slow devious smile ending with a wicked little chuckle.

He looked startled. I could see the wheels turning in his head and he looked down at my shoe.  Good! He was aware I was not happy even though there was a smile on my face.  I started out almost whispering and I let my voice rise to a crescendo as I told him with perfectly enunciated syllables, ” I already did and BOY DID I LOOK FINE NAKED !”

I began to rant about pre baby body vs. post baby body and what havoc breast feeding had wreaked on my body, insisting that he stunted my growth.  He backed away from the credit card machine and began to chant “Mom, Mom calm down.” Too late I wanted to make certain he never spoke to me this way again.

“Do you need me to explain to you how women get pregnant and how there bodies changed and stretched to accommodate the growing child(I emphasized my point but showing him some stretch marks on my hip and a vericose vein on the back of my leg) and since I now had an audience  finished my rant with do you want me to explain to you the process of childbirth? I got a resounding no amongst laughter from bystanders. I emphasized sleepless nights and illness and colic and  diapers as I swiped my card and received my receipt.

Bryer had stopped protesting  and grabbed the paint, I smiled all but chasing my long legged child with new energy to the door yelling out to him “so you see son I already made you.”

I also called home and told Jim to remove his bedroom door, Disrespect doesn’t get privacy in our house.

Whenever the story comes up Bryer insists that someday he is going to be on an Oprah Life Class teaching Parents how not to raise their children. He said he was going to call it  Alternative Parenting.   Maybe, Maybe Not~ but I can tell you this, Bryer hasn’t said “Make Me” since the summer he was 14.

Cast your Vote here Alternative Parenting or Lookin Fine Naked!